change and yet not

I was talking with a friend recently regarding the concept of “do-overs,” you know, as in what if we had the potential to go back a few years or months or however-long to change parts of our lives. The possibility of re-living (not to be confused with reliving) certain parts of our individual lives due to a warp in the time-space continuum. You know.

Well, unless you’re very satisfied with your life, or have a very accepting attitude, or perhaps have that miraculous ability to forget about mistakes or regrets, you’d probably take me up on an offer for a do-over, right?

To go back to that time you had really great pie at this pie stand and regretted not buying one to bring home. Or that time you ate that peanut butter sandwich that had been sitting on your kitchen table for days only to come down with food poisoning the next day. Or those hours wasted on video games. Or when you couldn’t work up the guts to ask that guy out. Or when you did ask that guy and wished you hadn’t.

But what if I told you that your “do-over” had a stipulation? You could, at this very moment, choose the exact moment in time to rewind to and start your life again from there. However, you wouldn’t know that it was a “do-over” or have any details of your previous life. Nothing to base your “rewrite” on. Nothing to guide you. Sure you’d have moments of deja vu. Who doesn’t? But these could come at crucial moments like decisions about college or at mundane ones while you’re doing a load of laundry. You wouldn’t be able to bank on these moments of deja vu and honestly, you’d probably overlook most of them.

In the end, you’d have no idea if the path you were now following was the exact same path you had traveled upon previously. There are no indications.

But now, if you were aware that this life was a “do-over” life, I think you’d act differently. You would either be incredibly careful or incredibly careless. Would you strategize over every choice, taking so long to make the “right” decision that life would pass you by? That you’d fail to enjoy your second change? Or would you live life to its fullest, college be damned? Would you bank on the fact that there might be another “do-over” in your future?

I believe that many of us wish we could rewrite out own lives to better fit how we want our lives to end up. I do, at least. I wish that I could rewrite it to my satisfaction, smoothing out the rough edges, the not-so-happy moments. But even if I had the opportunity, I’m not sure what I’d do differently. Would I have chosen a different school, a different career? Or would I have done the exact same thing I’m doing right now?

Is this very moment a “do-over”? Are parallel universes just “do-overs” in another temporal and spacial dimension? Someone must know, right? Or not.

the bachelor: ben flajnik

Feel free not to read this UNLESS YOU are BEN FLAJNIK or watch The Bachelor!

First off: Poor Kacie B.  She’s so sweet and nice and so freaking in love with him. And she’d be the PERFECT settle-down wife…which is what you claim you’re looking for. 

Second: Sam was sweet and maybe she was a little too pushy but that poor girl had feelings for him.

Third: How dumb is he?! Courtney’s playing him like a fiddle…with one string. Seriously Ben needs to realize that she’s NEVER gonna give up her modeling to settle down with him in SONOMA. They don’t hire manipulative models in small towns like Sonoma! 

Ben, if you end up with Courtney, you’re an idiot and it will PROVE that you’re not looking to settle down…and that they should have chosen a better Bachelor (I’m still hoping Mickey will make a last minute appearance.) 

Also, Courtney’s a gigantic bitch. If you think that was just her TV persona–good luck with that. There’s no way the producers could have twisted what she said THAT much. She is mean-spirited and manipulative and is NOT friendly. You are looking at a lifetime of bitchiness and an early divorce, Ben. 

hunger games

The Hunger Games (and Catching Fire, and Mockingjay) were amazing. I’ve basically spent the past few days reading them and now feel appropriately sated with words and resolution. I’m actually really surprised that this book is marketed to teenagers because there’s so much action in it. And feelings and strong characters and blood and injury. It’s like Battle Royale, but with a better backstory and plot.

Here’s the trailer for The Hunger Games. Jennifer Lawrence is just how I imagined Katniss–dark hair and that same attitude she had in Winter’s Bone. I’m really excited for when it comes out!!

Go ahead. Pry yourself out from under that rock now.

envy

Omg Monique Lhuillier. Can I have this dress?

disappoints

Just RSVP’d to a free screening of Extremely Loud, Incredibly Close only to realize that I won’t be able to go because I’ll be stuck bubbling in multiple choice responses on my final.

I’M SO SAD. Why!

one day

One day I want to be classy. Old and classy.

yeah girl

foggy

So gorgeous!!

long dream

From the my dream diary (aka the second lecture of my Music History class):

It was a prison camp of sorts, but not like the one college students go home to during their breaks. There was no mother to feed and clothe you, no father to ask if you had enough money to spend and to tell you to keep away from the boys. In this prison, you knew to keep away from the men.

We were kept in an empty storefront, a building with only 3 walls. The door was wide open–in fact, that particular wall had been knocked down years ago, an open challenge to us prisoners. Run, it seemed to say, run and see how far you get. That unwritten taunt seemed to be more daunting than any concrete wall could have been.

I had a room upstairs that I had randomly stumbled upon by scaling stairs and fire escapes. They didn’t know that I was sneaking off for hours at a time and that always seemed to give me a most thrilling feeling. I had long considered escaping on the rooftops but I didn’t think it could be feasible. In hindsight, I’m sure that she had snipers on the roof, but at the time, I think I was just worried about the unrealistic length that I had to jump to safety.

The guards, the soldiers, the men who kept guard leaned against the walls to the left and right of the prison, arms crossed over their chests, unperturbedly conversing with their neighbors. They never looked at us, but always at the street as if expecting one of us to just appear halfway down the street. The men were lined up in a row around her, wearing their smirks like I was wearing my don’t-notice-me body language, waiting for on her finger for instructions. She was intense–she had to be, as the leader of these men. Rocking some black army boots, surrounded by the very men whom she ruled, her projected persona was enough to deter me from entering open space.

I eventually made friends, 2 of them, a white boy who gave me the impression he was from Australia and another one whose face I can’t seem to place (I think I liked him less). One day, the nameless and faceless one tried to escape and I followed him, thinking that it would also be my chance for freedom. We ducked and dodged bullets flying at us and I remember thinking that I was definitely going to be shot. I’m not proud of it, but I stood behind a man and used his body as a shield–he had either seen the two of us run out into the open and assumed that he’d have a chance to escape or his body was just one that had been shot at over the years and left to decompose.

We ran into a Chinese restaurant across the street and I seriously reconsidered scaling the rooftops to escape but before I could move, the woman was there. She looked at the Chinese restaurant owner and asked him where we were. He gave up our location quickly, after she threatened to kill his family, all of whom were in the restaurant at the time. Afterward, thinking about it, I may have been a little disappointed that he was of my ethnicity and that he had indirectly sanctioned our death.

Long story short, we (including my Australian friend) were captured and brought to a large auditorium-sized room. Inside were children with special needs and children with developmental disorders–scores of individuals she had deemed unworthy of living. We were brought to the front of the room and told that everyone in here was to die. She wanted to euthanize us (and wrongly so) in a way very very vaguely reminiscent of Hitler’s desire to wipe out the Jews. And then I woke up in the morning to that revelation!

Here’s to hoping someone discovers this as a possible script for Hollywood and then gives me some royalties!

take a second gander

My new favorite logo is the FedEx logo because apparently I’ve been blind and foolish this whole time and now I finally see the greatness that is this logo!

Also the Baskin Robbins’ logo is pretty bomb. There’s all this subliminal imagery going on and I’ve never realized it!

SEE IT?! SEE THE SUBLIMINAL GREATNESS THAT IS THEIR MARKETING/BRANDING TACTIC? Awesome.